Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Why Men Get Put In The "Friend Zone"

Friend Zōne (n.) A platonic relationship where one party wishes to enter into a romantic relationship, while the other does not.

So guys, here you are, trying to add up the reasons why you haven't gotten past the platonic phase with the girl you like. Men often think that women put them in the friend zone simply because they are not a picture perfect adonis or because they are "too nice". Come on, you guys know us women are more complicated than that! While these issues may be attributed to a small percentage of friend zone cases, there are other reasons why the romance card may never be played between you and your non-girlfriend girl friend. Let's take a moment and explore a bigger picture of possibilities shall we:

10 Reasons Why Men Get "Friend Zoned"
  • Your intentions are not clear- Just because it seems like women are always trying to read between the lines and analyze your thoughts, doesn't mean that we actually are...or that we want to be doing so. Frankly, it's exhausting, so at a point if we just can't figure it out, we assume the friend role because it makes life a lot easier. Tip: If you're into her, tell her.
  • You haven't asked her out on a proper date- Telling her you want to help install her wireless router and/or only asking her to join you on group outings with your friends does not a proper date make. The former just makes you seem like a helpful pal and the latter, like you just consider her one of your buddies. Tip: Ask her out solo and, as stated above, be clear about your intentions.
  • She doesn't want to have sex with you- Physical attraction is an important part of a relationship (as I'm sure all you men will agree), so feeling that sexual chemistry is essential. If it's not there, more than likely, you'll end up just an amigo. BUT, fyi, sexual attraction is not necessarily relegated to one's physical appearance. Tip: As you'll read in examples below, attitude, confidence, and other factors can contribute to overall physical attraction.
  • She's only attracted to your looks- Some women can be extremely physically attracted to you, but feel that there are no other redeeming qualities that justify a relationship...which can lead to the friend zone. I know what you're thinking "Wouldn't she choose to at least have sex with me, then?" Not necessarily. In the case where a woman has been burned in the past by dating a guy solely off of physical appearance, she'll want to steer clear of making that mistake again. Also, if she starts having sex with you, she'll more than likely inevitably develop expectations, and when those expectations fall short, it becomes maddening for both parties involved. Tip: In most (not all, but most) cases, sex creates a stronger attachment for women. Therefore, it's not always a good idea.   
  • You're unhappy- So, you're down and out. Not feeling your best. Unsure of your next step. It happens to the best of us. Then you start wondering why she'll snuggle up with you and say all those comforting things, and then give you a hug and run off on some date with another guy. It's because she is your friend and she wants to be there for you, but, like I tell the girls, if you are not happy with your life solo, it won't help to bring someone else in...and luckily she realizes it. Tip: Focus on making your life better and feeling better before getting into a relationship.
  • You're a pushover- Pushover does not mean "too nice". In my opinion, there is no such thing as "too nice"or "too gentlemanly". By pushover, I mean someone who allows himself to be taken advantage of, due to fear of confrontation or low self-esteem. Do women want some moody Neanderthal with a temper problem who snaps and picks fights all of the time? No. However, women do appreciate a man with convictions and enough confidence to stand up for what is right...because that's sexy. Tip: It's not about what you say, it's how you say it. If you can channel that tactful mix of politeness and strength, it will take you far.
  • You have a reputation- Whether you're a self-proclaimed "ladies man", a commitment phobe, or maybe you always end up being "that guy" at parties and gatherings (and you know exactly the "that guy" I'm talking about...yikes), it can be a real turnoff and send you flying into the friend zone faster than you can say "but it's different with you!". Tip: Women don't take too much stock in the hearsay, we like to see for ourselves. However, if you are choosing to broadcast these traits as some sort of badge of honor while in her presence, she won't be impressed and likely won't be interested in anything past platonic either. 
  • Your ex is her friend- This won't stop every woman, but there are a lot out there who are seriously loyal to the "girl code", even if she was friends with you both from the start. Plus, if you are all part of the same group friends, she may not want to make things awkward for everyone. Tip: Even if she is interested, it would be poor form for her to not speak to her friend/your ex about it first to gauge feelings. In the end, respect her decision. Don't push her to betray her friend no matter how bad things ended between you and the ex.
  • You lack ambition- Laziness is unattractive. Are you lazy? Yes? Then you'll probably get friend zoned. You don't have to be some rich tycoon, but women like a man with a plan. Tip: If you're not working towards goals, a vision, or if you have difficulty taking the lead you may want to find ways to remedy this. It helps with women and also with life in general. 
  • You're insecure- Men often say, "Women like assholes". Yes, some women find themselves attracted to bad men, but that's a whole 'nother blog post entirely. Women don't want to be treated poorly, but we do like confidence. It is not to be mistaken with cockiness, which is just another form of insecurity...and we know that. Confidence is elusive, comes from the inside, it's that je ne sais quoi, whereas cockiness is usually overtly external and overcompensatory. It's a little too obvious and reads of trying too hard. Tip: Everyone has their moments, but if you are constantly down on yourself and seeking the approval of others, you will come across as, well, needy and insecure, and right smack dab in the friend zone. You probably don't want a girl who is like that, right? It's worth noting and working on.
Hope this helps guys!


  1. A brilliant summary of what I need to work on cheers :)

  2. Guys are in the friends zone because they accept being in the friends zone.

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  4. Great post! It’s very interesting and enjoyable. Its must be helpful for us. Thanks for sharing your nice post.


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