Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Kryptonite Type



Kryp·tonite- The ultimate weakness of an otherwise invulnerable hero.

Ever feel like you keep falling for the wrong kind of guy? Is this feeling accompanied by a nagging sense that you are basically dating the same man over and over again? It is not uncommon for some of the extremely bright, beautiful, successful women of the world to have a mysterious weakness for pathological liars, the commitment phobes, and game-players.
For many, there exists a type of guy that makes a girl so weak in the knees that the girl is willing to put up with an unbelievable amount of emotional and even physical distress to call them a “boyfriend”...or what a good friend of mine calls: a Kryptonite Type. Kryptonite Types are often hidden behind a mask of charm, confidence, and at times an uncanny ability to put together a nice outfit. They possess a combination of your ideal physical and/or occupational factors with a dash of unattainability (i.e. tall, dark and handsome; blonde haired, blue-eyed, finance guy, leather jacket wearing James Dean clone with a tatt and an attitude; etc).  All of these characteristics are ascertained immediately and leave you in a state of infatuation almost completely devoid of logic. Douchebaggery aside, you want him. Badly.
You may start to ask yourself “Why do I attract these types of guys?” but truthfully, a better question is "Why am I attracted to these types of guys?" The difference is that with the latter you are taking some sort of responsibility for the situations that you find yourself in. We all attract assholes from time to time. That will never change. What can change is how you react to these types of men when you come to the realization that they are not boyfriend material. Do you stick around and try to change him? Do you convince yourself to stay on board because he’s hot, rich, or sought after? A) It is not your job to change him. B) Ultimately the hot, rich, popular persona won’t guarantee enduring, consummate love.

Are you dating a kryptonite type? Well, let's see.

8 Ways To Know If You’re Dating Your Kryptonite Type

1. You’re operating strictly on the pleasure principle. Infatuation overrides everything and the main focus is perceived confidence/how gorgeous he is and satisfying your desires to say that he is yours and vice versa. Ask yourself: Do I really even like him? (I mean really like him as a person with values, integrity and dreams)

2. You make excuses for him. He lies, cheats, is emotionally unavailable and you find any and every way to convince yourself and others that he's "just busy", "just tired", "unconventional", or "so sweet when the two of us are alone". Ask yourself: What do I deserve in a relationship? Am I getting those things?

3. Your common sense reasoning skills disappear and so you start to justify things that you would normally find unacceptable, creepy, or downright gross. Ask youself: Am I trusting my instincts?

4. You blame yourself. Since you've made tons of excuses and justifications for him and the issues are still present, they have to fall on someone. So, you take all of the blame, thinking that if you would give him whatever he wants or attain perfection then everything will be ok. Ask yourself: Is my relationship a partnership or a one-man show? 

5. You’re afraid to leave him alone...because you don't trust him. Or you don't trust the potential women that he'll be around, which basically means that you don't trust him. Ask yourself: Is my relationship one of mutual trust?

6. Your relationship is composed of 70% anxiety, 26% resentment, and 4% pleasure. The pleasurable moments are there, but are far outweighed by the negativity. This tends to equal 0% happiness. Ask yourself: Am I constantly angry and walking on eggshells in my relationship?

7. The relationship exists only in extremes. You flip-flop between honeymoon phases and disaster phases with no in between. This is a hallmark of an abusive relationship and co-dependence. Explosive arguments and fear of the relationship's demise lead to a return of the passion that existed during the courtship phase. When that passion fades, the explosions occur again and the cycle continues. Ask yourself: Am I afraid to walk away?

8. He breaks up with you and you're hyper-focused on revenge. He "beat you to the punch" and you're angry that he would want end with you, because after all, he is the damaged one and should feel lucky to have you. A common desire associated with this feeling is wanting to lure him back so that you can ultimately break his heart. Ask yourself: What kept me from ending it in the first place? and Do the ends (supposed revenge) justify the means (further exposure to the unhealthy relationship)?

Kryptonite is hazardous to your health. It will slowly chip away at and destroy your sense of self and your ability to make responsible, rational decisions for your life. Like many health hazards, the first line of defense is prevention. Know your Kryptonite Type and the characteristics that come with him. Is every good looking, confident, or successful guy Kryptonite? Absolutely not. But it is important to be aware of the types of men that you are vulnerable to so that you can practice not being blinded by the external, and focus on gathering deeper information about who the guy is on the inside. Your answers to the questions posed in the list above can help you decide whether or not it's time to re-evaluate your relationship choices. For chronic Kryptonite users, making the choice to process and gain insight into your relationship patterns is a brave, amazing decision. Why not start today?

The utmost thing to remember is that exposure to a Kryptonite Type begins with you. You cannot change him, but you can save yourself by changing how you react to and interact with your Kryptonite Type. It'll do a world of good in leading you to healthier, happier relationships.

xo
~M
P.S.- Thanks to my friends Court and Cath for coining the term Kryptonite Type  for the years of amazingly hilarious dishing on men! 

4 comments:

  1. This post is amazing! So many girls do not ask "Why am I attracted to these types of guys?" but instead complain that they have loser magnet stamped on their head. Thank you so much for such a truthful article. I am looking forward to reading your blog.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thanks Kristine! If we can be truthful with ourselves we can't expect anyone else to be. Thrilled to have you as a reader :-)!!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Good stuff! I so needed to read this right now! I can say that for most of your posts. :)

    ReplyDelete